Breaking News: Modi & Shah’s New Address VIP Wing, Tihar Jail

 Breaking News: Modi & Shah’s New Address VIP Wing, Tihar Jail

(No, Not Yet. But Oh, What a Lovely Preview.)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SOPxzlqsxp4

India woke up today to the kind of headline that makes you spill your chai, choke on a biscuit, and double-check your phone battery: “Modi and Shah in Tihar Jail.” Of course, they’re not actually there yet, but why let pesky facts ruin a perfectly good fantasy? In a country where the Election Commission behaves like the BJP’s in-house event management company, this headline could age into reality faster than your next electricity bill.

August 7 was the day Rahul Gandhi performed the political equivalent of a citizen’s arrest. With six months of painstaking voter data in hand, he laid out the BJP’s little “magic tricks” for the nation: votes added, votes deleted, and my personal favorite, votes counted twice because democracy is apparently a BOGO sale now. Rahul’s questions hit harder than a Tihar gate slamming shut. And since then, Modi has perfected the art of invisibility. No Parliament appearances. No dramatic speeches. Just lurking in safe zones where journalists and Rahul’s follow-up questions can’t reach. As I said earlier, Rahul didn’t just corner him; he mentally incarcerated him.

In what can only be described as a desperate rescue attempt, Anurag Thakur held a press conference to “expose” voter fraud in six opposition-won constituencies. Unfortunately, his big reveal went about as well as a magician who forgets to hide the rabbit. The allegations? Weak. The evidence? Nonexistent. The takeaway? The ECI does have electronic voting data, but will only share it if you have the BJP membership card. So, instead of clearing Modi’s name, Anurag’s performance was a masterclass in proving Rahul’s point: the ECI is not neutral; it’s the BJP’s favorite cousin who only comes to weddings if there’s free whiskey.

Then came Haryana. The Supreme Court ordered an EVM recount for a sarpanch election, and surprise the declared BJP winner wasn’t the actual winner. The real victor had been robbed in broad daylight by election officers. Meanwhile, in Bihar, the SC forced the ECI to publish the names and reasons for the deletion of 65 lakh voters. Translation: “Dear Citizens, please visit our website to see why you no longer exist in our democracy.” And where’s the ECI in all this? Somewhere deep underground, presumably digging a tunnel to join Modi in his “hideout,” while BJP leaders take turns doing unpaid PR work for them.

So when Ravish Kumar says Modi and Shah are in Tihar, it’s less breaking news and more a future episode teaser. Picture it: Cell Block A Modi giving Mann Ki Baat to the laundry staff, promising them “achhe din” if they iron his kurta just right. Mess Hall Shah negotiating extra gulab jamuns for “party discipline.” Recreation Yard, the ECI officials are explaining to other inmates that the dice game they’re running is “totally fair” because the BJP always wins. Visiting Hours big corporate donors are trying not to be seen on CCTV while whispering, “Bhai, humne to sirf sponsorship diya tha!”

If this political Jenga tower collapses and the wobble is already visible, the next season practically writes itself. The special “Tihar Business Leaders Wing” will be ready for industrialists who helped fund the electoral magic show. Some of them are already on international watchlists; the rest are just waiting for the post-August 15 plot twist.

So yes, Ravish Kumar isn’t predicting the future; he’s reading the obvious. The BJP government is coughing up blood politically, and the writing isn’t just on the wall, it’s spray-painted in fluorescent orange: Collapse Incoming. Until then, let’s keep watching. Because nothing will beat the day Breaking News finally drops without the “satire” disclaimer: “Tihar Diaries – The Modi & Shah Edition.” And trust me, the TRPs will be historic.

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