Breaking News: King Trump and the Not-So-United States of America

 Breaking News: King Trump and the Not-So-United States of America

My Crown is Bigger than Charles

Donald Trump, the man who skimmed the Constitution like it was a pesky terms-and-conditions agreement, seems to have woken up one day and thought, "Why not be king?" From the moment he sauntered into the Oval Office, it was evident that ruling by decree was more his style. Executive orders flew faster than his tweets, as he confidently assumed that the presidency was just a glorified monarchy in a red hat. But alas, reality has a way of biting back. Turns out, those meddlesome Founding Fathers had already thought of everything—checks, balances, and even a little something called states' rights to keep wannabe kings in line. Who knew democracy could be such a buzzkill?

As of now, half the states in the country—25, to be precise—have filed lawsuits against some of Trump’s executive orders. Imagine that: a group of states collectively raising their hands and saying, “Actually, no thanks, Your Highness.” And here’s the kicker: if a president starts acting too regal, states even have the option to consider secession. Yes, the Founding Fathers had that one on lock too. It’s almost as if they anticipated someone like Trump would show up eventually, armed with a gold-plated ego and a flair for authoritarian theatrics.

But let’s not lay all the blame on Trump. He’s just the cherry on top of a decades-long sundae of dysfunction. Since the Reagan era, the Republican Party has been hard at work carving up the nation along racial lines, because what better way to keep power than by turning people against each other? Their strategy is almost admirable in its cynicism: convince minorities that assimilation into whiteness is their ticket to success, all while stoking fear and division to maintain the status quo. And it’s worked brilliantly—for them, at least. For everyone else, not so much.

Meanwhile, the Democrats, never ones to miss an opportunity to shoot themselves in the foot, continue to suffer under the weight of their so-called "big tent." Enter the conservative Democrats, a group that really should have switched teams years ago. They cling to outdated ideals, masquerading as progressives while secretly acting like Republicans in disguise. It’s political cosplay at its finest, and the performance is exhausting to watch. They’re not fooling anyone, but they sure seem determined to keep trying.

And then we have the progressives—a well-meaning but chaotic bunch who somehow manage to squander every opportunity handed to them. Instead of zeroing in on the one thing that unites all Americans—corruption—, they insist on trying to tackle every social issue at once, as if they’re playing political bingo. Newsflash: most Americans already support progressive social policies. Abortion rights? Majority support. Marriage equality? Check. If you just let people vote on these issues directly, they’d pass without a hitch. But no, progressives can’t help themselves. They keep wasting precious political capital fighting battles that don’t need fighting, while the real enemy—systemic corruption—laughs in their faces.

Speaking of corruption, let’s talk about the elephant in the room: America’s bloated national debt. It’s not the voters’ fault that this number keeps climbing like it’s training for a marathon. It’s the fault of two dysfunctional parties and the corporations that profit from their chaos. The taxpayers are stuck with the bill for endless wars and so-called "national security" measures, while defense contractors and pharmaceutical companies rake in obscene profits. And what do the voters get in return? Crumbling infrastructure and a healthcare system that treats survival like a privilege.

Oh, and here’s a fun fact: taxpayers fund much of the drug research that pharmaceutical companies later use to make billions. That’s right—your money went into those life-saving treatments, but don’t expect to see a dime of the profits. Instead, those billions go straight into corporate pockets while both major parties look the other way. Why? Because they’re too busy lining their own pockets with corporate cash. It’s a beautiful system if you’re on the inside. For everyone else, it’s a slow-motion train wreck.

What America needs is a new political party—one that isn’t already bought and paid for by Big Pharma, Big Oil, or Big Anything. A party that focuses on dismantling corruption instead of playing identity politics. A party that welcomes anyone with a clean record, regardless of their previous affiliations. Because let’s be honest, the current system is beyond broken. The Democrats and Republicans are just two sides of the same tarnished coin, and the voters are starting to catch on.

So here we are, in the middle of this glorious mess. Trump dreams of a crown he’ll never wear, the Republicans are busy fanning the flames of division, the Democrats are too busy tripping over themselves to lead, and the progressives are out here trying to juggle fifteen issues at once. Meanwhile, the voters—the people who matter—are stuck wondering how it all went so wrong. Maybe it’s time to wake up, throw out the old playbook, and start fresh. Because if this is the best our political system has to offer, we’re in more trouble than we thought.