Who's Really Getting Fleeced? A Guide to US Defense and Immigration Shenanigans

 

Who's Really Getting Fleeced? A Guide to US Defense and Immigration Shenanigans

US Taxpayers Have Been Funding Big Business Wars for the Last 233 Years

Ah, the United States of America, home of the brave, land of the free, and undisputed champion of spending nearly a trillion dollars a year on defense for… well, no one really knows what for. Is it Canada? The maple syrup empire with its terrifying $26 billion defense budget? Or Mexico, whose military splurge of $8 billion annually must strike fear into the heart of the Pentagon? Because clearly, the biggest threat to American sovereignty comes from people crossing the border on foot or tucked in the trunk of a 1998 Honda Civic, armed with nothing but dreams of minimum wage jobs.

Let’s not kid ourselves. The US isn’t in the business of winning wars—it’s in the business of having wars. Long, profitable wars that drain resources, destabilize regions, and leave the US taxpayer holding the tab. Winning wars would be terrible for business! Imagine wrapping up a conflict in under a decade—where’s the fun (or profit) in that? Case in point: India defeated Pakistan in 1971 in just 10 days. TEN DAYS. You can almost hear the collective groan of the American arms industry. No time to sell overpriced weapons or sign lucrative maintenance contracts! A tragedy, really.

But let’s talk solutions. With one bold move, we could solve the immigration crisis and the bloated defense budget. Here’s the plan: let’s sit down with Canada and Mexico, offer them statehood, and promise to invest $1 trillion in their economies over five years. That’s $200 billion a year—chump change compared to what we blow on defense annually. What do we get in return? Oh, just the elimination of border policing costs (saving us $100 billion), the downsizing of the defense budget from $850 billion to a mere $300 billion (another $550 billion saved), and a unified North America with a booming tax base. Oh, and did I mention we solve labor shortages too? You’re welcome, America.

But wait—why stop at solving two problems when we can solve three? By bringing Canada and Mexico into the fold, we’d have over half a billion citizens, plenty of land, and a labor force ready to meet the challenges of the next few decades. No more border walls, no more detention centers, no more nonsense. People could just… move, live, and work like normal human beings. But let’s be real: none of this will happen. Why? Because it doesn’t fit the narrative of corporate greed. The mega-rich didn’t become mega-rich by letting everyone have a fair shot. They need struggling nations, desperate immigrants, and endless wars to keep playing God and raking in cash.

Consider this: America’s immigration problem is less of a "problem" and more of a design feature. The system is built to keep people desperate, to fuel cheap labor pools, and to make sure corporations stay on top. Open immigration? That’s bad for business! Why let people work freely and create their own opportunities when you can exploit them for pennies instead?

And then there’s the defense budget. Why spend a trillion dollars a year? Not because we need it to fend off an invasion from Canada’s snowplows or Mexico’s taco trucks, but because the military-industrial complex is the ultimate cash cow. Fancy drones, missile systems, and weapons contracts don’t come cheap—but hey, someone’s yacht isn’t going to pay for itself! Let’s be honest: the real threat to America isn’t foreign nations; it’s corporate greed. The bloated defense budget doesn’t protect Americans; it protects the profit margins of defense contractors. If these wars are so great for business, maybe the corporations benefiting from them should foot the bill instead of squeezing the taxpayers dry.

And speaking of wars, we’re now playing sponsor to the endless saga in Ukraine. No one seems to know how it’ll end, but one thing’s certain: the defense industry is loving every minute of it. A prolonged conflict means steady sales and fat profits. Why settle for peace when you can sell more weapons? And hey, who knows what Trump would do if he gets another shot—maybe cut a deal, maybe tweet something incendiary, or maybe just slap his name on the Pentagon. “Trump Wars™: Make Defense Spending Great Again.”

In the end, we have to ask ourselves a serious question: are we really so afraid of the world that we need to throw a trillion dollars at defense every year? The answer, of course, is no. With the technology we already have, most potential threats can be neutralized without breaking a sweat—or the bank. But cutting the defense budget wouldn’t serve the interests of the mega-rich, so here we are, funding endless wars and protecting imaginary borders, all while ignoring the people footing the bill: us.

So here’s to America, the land where problems are never solved, just milked for maximum profit. The defense budget? A trillion-dollar monument to corporate greed. Immigration policy? Carefully engineered desperation. And the taxpayers? Well, they’re the real heroes—just not the ones getting the parade.